Love ~ I am in, or when was the last time I've been in ...

it must have been hard for you to let go, atleast emotionally, which i feel takes the longest time to get over. Physically, and them not being there alongside with you, that is initially tough, and can lag as well. I do think that it truly depends, and how long you were dating them to begin with, and how intense and close the relationship was, that could affect getting over someone longer. To totally forget someone, and most importantly forgive them in your heart, and if and when you reach that moment, that feeling in your heart when you are open to loving someone new, when you are ready, you just know. I'd say you must get over the other person in a way, of forgiveness, because you can be out of a relationship for a long while, and then enter a new one, and have "those types of feelings and emotions" resurfacing if there are any unresolved issues within your heart about the other person, whether you have come to turns of some closure with or without their consent. How you handle this is of course depending only on your terms with the help of your friends, family. Dating doesn't have to affect ones social life with friends, it really should complement it and add to your life, if you can find a healthy balance. Some couples just go isolate themselves, and if something does go wrong the one person or other is left all alone without much social circle, and they have to rebuild their social friends, circle, and ultimately dating again.

"waiting" and trying to patient for someone new, sometimes it gets a bit frustrating, but as my friend always said, "everything happens for a reason", and i do believe that whether i like it or not. Let's face it, dating, trying to meet someone new is awkward and there are some moments of uncomfortable silences, ever so slightly. Until you build up that bond, and trust, the comfortzone may happen sooner than later for some, and nothing or slower for others. I have yet to feel that deep solid connection with a girl i am dating, but i am trying to be hopeful.

@Kyu,
There is defintely many levels of attraction, and ranging from just pure fantasy-lust, infactuation, to deep love, and everything in between. Letting go sometimes is true love, whether it is because of a new found love and the walls in your heart come tumbling down as you open up to someone new in your life. It is hard to let go also if you have been with someone awhlie and its just not a good thing to stay together and letting go of them, for the best. Scars, yeah sometimes bad relationships could leave that, and healing, does take time. Sometimes you may never forget them, or not for a long long time, but you have to forgive them, and learn to move on, that is within your heart.
what you say is so so true, "Just be prepared to get hurt when you've found your true love, cause either you will be really happy, or really get hurt from that relationship.", and if you builid up enough trust, and belief, and take it careful you can minimize the hurt, and maximize the love, and let grow, and hope you get into a good healthy loving relationship. I think just being ready, and open for a new love, and know what you may get into, will defintely help and it shows maturity.

@others:
it is nice to see others posting on here, whether we agree on something or not, opinions are only someones expression and opinions, there is no right or no wrong here.
My take on age is: i think a 20 year age gap can seem a lot, but it honestly really depends, and who, what is the situation etc....some people feel it is immorally wrong for say an 18 yr old girl to date a 29 year old man, its a matter of opinion and it really looks bad on paper and immoral, but my thread is not about what is this or what is that. Personally, it may happen and that is there business, it really depends. people say age is nothing but a number, yes to a certain extent, and taking age aside, it really depends also on the maturity level on both people, and the background of them, and entire situation. Again some people will say it is so wrong, while others are more open minded about it, to each his own, i rest my case.

@Haruna:
Its defintely OK if you have nothing to add or share, don't worry so much on the words if you run out of things to say, and don't let my long long long posts deter you away from contributing in this thread. By all means, you are most welcome to share your thoughts, experiences and suggestions and comments, please do share.

 

I think that i have taken the approach of taking a step back. I have the rest of this month to sort things out in my head, with my trip coming up, learning some more Japanese and practicing, more planning for my trip. I also might be moving in the spring so i have to sort more things out, while trying to stay hopeful with online dating. I am not too sure about this girl anymore, i do still think she is cool, and there is some interest left, but less. I guess my focus is on other things now. I am trying to do the things i like to do, and trying to be content. With the impending V-day approaching, i am honestly trying to overlook the hype and what is lacking in my life, and treat that day like any other day. I think that one thing that stands as important, is to be hopeful, and to not give up, which is what i am trying to tell myself in the jungle-maze of dating.

 

yea, i know it will, lots of time to relax, enjoy Japan, and lots of time of self-reflection. 11 plus hours going, and 9 hour coming back on the plane, there will be plenty to think about and sit. I also think while in Japan there will be moment of just relaxing and some time to think back on what happen this past year and so far in this year. Yea, i think traveling is good, and to get away is a good thing, i need the rest from work, and from life around here. I am really look forward to Japan and also seeing AKB48 in concert.

How is things for you, anything much? just school eh?

 

I agree with everything you've written. Next someone will be saying that if it's a heterosexual relationship, the man HAS to be older then the woman

 

A person isn't supposed to just stop maturing at some age, be it 18 or 20. There should be differences in terms of experiences, lessons learned, sense of responsibility, achievements, outlook on life, etc. between an 18 year old and a 28 year old, or, if you prefer the sound of it, a 20 year old and a 30 year old. I'll admit that the age gap may be less relevant if we were talking about a 30 year old and a 40 year old, but not if they started dating when they were 18 and 28.

I'm sure everyone here with a 10 year younger boy- or girlfriend found someone who is really mature for his or her age, wise beyond his or her years and what have you, but if I was 28 and would feel I have something meaningful in common with someone of 18, enough to make me want to be in a serious relationship with her, I'd have to wonder how much I've grown as a person over the past 10 years of my life.

 

bleh in terms of discussion on age, etc..........perhaps.

but not in terms of what this thread stands for.
and most commonly the man is older in a realtionship, but not always the case. It just seems like it is more the norm, but my good friend likes older women, so to each his or her own. the girl i went out with is a bit younger than me, and so has my ex-gf's. We each have what we look for, in our life stage, for me i have no problem in dating, hooking up with a girl of 25 years of age or older, and i am 36, i see nothing wrong with that. any girl younger, than that would be more challenging cause my lifestage and where she will be at, mentally and emotionally.

 

It is said that man has to be older coz men mature later....

 

I wasn't saying the man HAS to be older, and I wasn't saying it for discussion either. It wasn't even to do with the age thing.

Saying that. Quite a few of the people I work with are in relationships (most married) where the woman is older then the man.

 

lol, i didn't mean to start a discussion on age gaps and the like..
i was more or less trying to get people's opinion of what they would do if they were in my situation..

nothing's changed since the time i posted that last one..
i've only gone in for work once since then and there were other people scheduled that day too so there was no conversation there.

anyways.. i dont think i lean one way or the other on the age issue..
i do think it'd be cool to keep him as a good friend because he and i have alot in common (like i said earlier) however, i also disagree with the way he's handling the situation because he came off really strong and that's what freaked me out so much..

but anyways.. on another note..

 

...so many people have shared their opinions here. I'm reading all of it, but now i don't know how to respond to any of it
but regarding the age issue, i think 10 years' difference is okay. It's tolerable in my country (note : in MY country). Some people will question you though "how can you not find girl / guy that fitted your own age (5 years difference is most common here) but personally i think the heck with ages. If your interests are the same, your ideals are the same, so why not? Because now i begin to build the relationship with a girl maybe 13 years younger than me, and i say we have to go on with it if the feelings mutual. Right?

@qilver : taking holiday is so important to refresh your body and mind. Then you can think clearly again

 

Not to mention that women outlive men =P

 

in my story, this is so true.
so the girl i like is 2 years younger than me. but she dumped me. she said i'm still too childish coz i'm still liking anime, manga and stuff.
now she has a boyfriend who's 4 years older than me. she said he looks and acts more mature.
duh...

 

I just don't see why it has to have any bearing. I'm not really in a relationship, but there is someone I am kind of friendlier than the normal bounds of friendship with, and she's a fair amount older than me. How much is no one's business, but yeah... Age is a meaningless number. What matters is maturity and kindred spirits.

 

^ agreed. i know there the stereotype that guys mature slower than girls do and though that may be true in alot of cases, it is merely a stereotypical generaliization.
i hate generalizations.
the fact is, if you have a connection, that's all there is to it. you can't help who you like any more than you can help how fast your hair grows.

i can see why the age woul matter if it were a comparison like 20, 30 or more years but 10 really isn't that long.

leaving it at that, i think i may go to bed, lol

 

I love my mom too, but that's not really what I was talking about.

 

Well, that was a pretty rude and obnoxious statement. Clearly, that was not what I meant. I'm not sure what else to say. Several have refuted this "belief" of yours, so I guess all I can say is that's your opinion and I'm sorry you are so closed-minded on it. You may miss out on something great one day because of that.

 

It is evident and apparent that this thread on the issue of AGE has gotten out of hand, let's keep this back on topic people.