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Love ~ I am in, or when was the last time I've been in ...

Discussion in 'The STAGE48 Lobby' started by qilver, Aug 6, 2007.

  1. arrowisland

    arrowisland Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2007
    I'm in love. I wish I wasn't. If I could just bring it back to the level it was just a few short months ago, things would be so much easier. But life's a bitch. Just have to try and deal with it now, and I was never good with dealing with things...
     
  2. haruna_hamasaki

    haruna_hamasaki Senbatsu Staff Member Studio48 Admin

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2007
    Location:
    Malaysia
    ^ i wish i'm in love. <3
    but i have nobody.
     
  3. qilver

    qilver Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2007
    Location:
    Reinyan's kitchen
    ^ join the club.....the singles club!


    but if i were dating, even casual dating, my time would be greatly limited, and less time on akb forums, less for akb, and my other wota-hobbies, maybe that is not such a bad thing? :confused:
     
  4. kyu

    kyu Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2007
    Location:
    Inside the heart of a lost child...
    thanks a lot qilver, your words are so encouraging :D
    yeah it's better to be alone than to be in pain all the time, right?

    @haruna
    don't ever say that you have nobody...cause you've got us all here ;)
     
  5. qilver

    qilver Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2007
    Location:
    Reinyan's kitchen
    well....being single does have its tradeoffs....and somehow after awhile.....you sorta get use to being alone, atleast romantically. It's been ages since i have been on a date, even much longer than being in a relationship, i forgot how it is like to be with someone. Being single means, i can do what i want, and when i want, and i can buy anything i want, and well....you become more selfish. I have seen both sides of the "coin", (so to speak...just a saying...). I also know what it is like to sacrifice and give up some things for someone else. I know when the times comes..whenever that will be, i will try my best to treat the "girl" in my life as very special, more than likely, much less attention and time to H!P, gravure idols, and AKB48. Being in a relationship takes energy, time, and sacrifice, but i'd do it in an instant if given the opportunity. So, it has its benefits and disadvantages being single versus being in a relationship in love.

    well, we feel pain,almost all the time....when in love, you feel pain when times are tough, when you are fighting with your signicant other, when you feel like you might lose them, and they or you might leave cause of this or because of that.....

    you feel pain when you are lonely, and wondering if anyone will consider dating you, or you feel like what is up, why is it so slow out there romantically for you....you begin to doubt yourself...in a way your insecurities increase...if you can call that pain...maybe you can.

    But the pain that is most difficult, is when you experience a breakup, i have had my share of them, and i would hate to go thru it again, but i'd risk it to find good cherished love again, and ultimately marriage if that is even possible for me. Again, i have my doubts, but i have also have had my relationship experiences so i know for a fact that i am very capable of loving, but we all deal with it, in one form or another, pain, doubt, insecurity, and this is being geniune with pure honesty, no bullshit here! That is just pure love.
     
  6. eye2

    eye2 Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 5, 2007
    Location:
    Acchan's eye
    This thread was read at work today. But felt reluctant to post in it. Because what I want to say might not make sense. mogxiii asked on the last page about being married. My Japanese wife and I have been married for over 17 years now. It's been 99% great (of course we have arguments, but she always wins very quickly unless it's something really stupid which accounts for the 1% of "not so great").

    Anyway, when you talk about love, things change after having children. At least for us. It's actually more fun. But different. We don't really have a lot of time for each other any more. The family love is stronger than ever. But "selfish" passion is not there right now (I heard it gets better as the kids get older).

    So, you single guys have something big going for you. The rollercoaster feelings and the anticipation of your next get-together. You know, the wild and raw emotion side of things. You guys still have that going for you. And that's a great part of life.
     
  7. haruna_hamasaki

    haruna_hamasaki Senbatsu Staff Member Studio48 Admin

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2007
    Location:
    Malaysia
    oh... friendship forever! <3
     
  8. kyu

    kyu Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2007
    Location:
    Inside the heart of a lost child...
    this thread is more alive now. i love it. yeah...maybe i have to be brave to be alone right now, knowing that someday i, too have to find my partner to share forever. but for now, well i think it's best to stay single, wild and free...YEAH!!! :twisted:

    not just friendship, you know. You can pick one single guy here if you want to, if you see one fits to be your other half :D
     
  9. qilver

    qilver Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2007
    Location:
    Reinyan's kitchen
    defintely more people contributing, which i would want for this thread i created....to get people to open up and share their thoughts, experiences and advice, recommendation, in a safe open environment.

    I feel that being single defintely has its advantages, and more or less it is due to circumstance, chance, and the environment that i am currently in. I haven't had a lot going for me in this department of my life. It has been sluggish in the romance department, probably due to my lack of social circle. I do have a few friends, but dating has been dry. I quit a few dating websites that i tried before my japan trip back in the summertime. I joined up with one, after August, but haven't had much luck with it, maybe because it seem so far fetched that i will find a japanese girl to date, either from here or, probably mostly from Japan which seems next to impossible. I think being single for so long( almost 3 years now...), i've been even more skeptical, and cynical at the same time. I sometimes doubt myself in this area, but i would honestly like to think there is some hope left in the romance part in my life, and that i am desirable to a nice asian woman. I do prefer Japanese girls, but i think i would be receptive and attractive to other asian girls. I think it is easier to meet someone, when you are younger as most people are on here. I would guess the average age here is probably late teens to early twenties. School, parttime job, could be ways to meet people. It gets harder in the full time workplace environment i am in, because not everyone is in yours or their interest if they happen to be single, in addition, there are most others that have their families and married already. That is why i think people choose online dating, church community, etc...........personally i am open to online dating, and haven't had much luck in that.
     
  10. kyu

    kyu Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 13, 2007
    Location:
    Inside the heart of a lost child...
    Yeah true qilver. I feel it too nowadays, being so static in my life, both social and romance ones. When you were more active in the 20's, you would meet more people to interact, to have relationship etc. But now it begins to feel hard to start a relationship, much more romantically.
    Like you in your workplace, me in my music environtment is the same. People there are teenagers and early 20's, mostly teenagers, well not suitable to have a romantic relationship with me. Well it doesn't feel right.
    But you know what? If we're more comfortable in the way we are, what the heck? I mean, well maybe i have to consider this thing more seriously one day, and i'm still trying my best too, to find my other half. But we can't rush this kind of thing, can we? So it's slow and easy, with what's left of my energy to search for that one woman to share my life :lol:

    Hint for you, there is one, actually. We've been through a lot, me and her. She has gone to many men, only to always come back to me. So do i, have tried to a lot of other women, only to always come back to her. You can say that we're more than just a couple, maybe a soulmate? THE THING IS : she's just a high school student, her age is HALF my age. So i have always been in doubt about our relationship. It's just too risky. What should i do then? Keep this relationship or...?? :confused:
     
  11. haruna_hamasaki

    haruna_hamasaki Senbatsu Staff Member Studio48 Admin

    Joined:
    Jun 3, 2007
    Location:
    Malaysia
    grrr.
    i feel like i wanna date with a nearly 30-years-old guy.
     
  12. Erena

    Erena Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 15, 2007
    It's so interesting and nice to see everyone so accepting and listing to others love stories and problems.

    Me...I really like this guy at school! xD Wich is odd becaues he is really into sports! I really don't like sports but the reason I like him is becaues he is the only boy to open the door for me! That made me feel really good about myself! Sadly alot of his friends are really mean but he has never said anything to me...He ever talked to me today! He asked me if the bell had runged! I told him yea and he smiled and said thank you, then walked off.....I don't know little things like that make me smile in blush! I'm just to shy!
     
  13. Ange

    Ange Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Location:
    The Stage48 Institute for Akimoto Sayaka Worship
    Hmmm love is painful, painful. I wonder why a feeling which can be that painful can make us so addicted to it. Coz love is essential, isn't it?

    I think, no matter how many songs and poems people write, they would never reach the meaning of real love. Words just don't exist....

    It's happening to me... I still love the person who broke with me months ago. We were more than a year together. But that's life, this person doesn't love me anymore and I appreciate the friendship this person gives me too much to get apart. So I've decided to endure my heart. Not thinking at all. Friendship is what can keep us together, it's ok like that, I content with it.

    But, still hurts. And afetr all and despite everything, I was happy with that person. Bittersweet memories. Sweet in the past, bitter now.

    *sigh*

    Now I'm dating a guy... I like him a lot, he's a nice man, but honestly, my heart is still filled with my last love.
     
  14. gideon123

    gideon123 Kenkyuusei Retired Staff

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2007
    Location:
    New York, USA
    I've been trying to avoid posting on this thread for personal reasons, but in light of the above post by Ange, I feel that I just have to say something.

    My last brush at "love" (and I put in quotes for my own reasons) was last fall when I fell for a girl who was literally torn between two people - me and her ex. It went on for the whole semester, and I had to wait for the verdict after winter break - she liked her ex.

    For one thing, I was a fool to carry on to the very end. When she said that she still liked her ex, right then and there I should have walked away...but I didn't because I thought she was worth the effort. However, in the end, I just ended up making compromises. I was putting all of me in the pursuit for this one girl when in fact I was only getting half of her at the time. My mother and cousin advised me to walk away, but I was rather stubborn. I insisted that if it was a mistake, then let it be a mistake for me to learn...and boy did I learn.

    The girl and I were in the same college organization, in the same sub-committee, and in the same class. I had to see here EVERYDAY which in and of itself was just plain awkward. To distance myself, I was cold and isolating - which prompted her to just cancel our friendship. By the time summer break came, I was jumping for joy that I didn't have to see her again.

    And it took a hell of a long time during the summer to come to terms with it all. After an argument with my mom, I took a shower and thought to myself, "If you could hear one thing from the one person most important to you, what would it be." I answered, "Omae ni yurushimasu," which (hopefully I'm not mistaken) translates to, "I forgive you." Right then and there, I came to realize that all the while that I've been thinking that she thought I was a fool for not walking away...it was me who was beating me over the head for not walking away when I had to. I realized I was a fool to make the compromise and to not listen to my inner voice, and more importantly - I forgave myself.

    Now, the girl and I are cool with the whole past swept under the rug. I carry on as need be to make life easy for ourselves and our organization, but I still keep my distance (both physical and emotional) from her if I can help it.

    It was a full year of a mess (which made a massive impact on me as evident in my lengthy post), but it's a part of my life that I have to accept. If anything, it certainly provides material for future story projects.

    And as for my usage of "love"...along the way, I told the girl that I loved her. Several times, too - and several times she said that I didn't. It's happened before with my first girlfriend (and only one to date) where she said I didn't love her. Granted, I was pretty young and foolish then, but at the given time, I knew what I meant - and it felt real to me. In light of it all, I've come to accept that my feelings aren't wanted and aren't worth taking seriously, so I don't bother taking them too seriously. If I do feel attracted to someone, I just pass it off as a fluke, let it slide, and then carry on with my business.

    So relating my whole mess to what Agne mentioed:

    That's really not very fair for the guy you're dating - to give your time to him, but your heart to someone else. I don't know the full circumstances of your situation, nor is it really right for me to impose my beliefs on you; but I've find life to be more fulfilling if I put every ounce of me into the things I do.

    My hair stylist of over three years mentioned that (he was talking about careers in life, but I think it applies here, too) no matter what job anyone takes in life, whether it by chance or by choice, that person should do their damn best at it. And my capoeira teacher said (with respect to capoeira, but once again I think it works here as well) that we gotta keep moving forward with the evolution. It's good to remember the past, but not to carry it with us. If we stick to the past, we get left behind - maybe even find ourselves in a museum (a humorous plug on my teacher's part which helped to prove the point).

    So with respect to that, I'd suggest you come to terms with yourself, what's in the past, and what's right in front of you.

    And for the record ladies and gentlemen, please do NOT feel sorry for me with regard to any of my mess - I've been far too sorry for myself for far too long. If you could seriously see me in person right now explaining this, you'd see that I'm very much objective about it. I've come to terms with my tragically fractured self, and have come to acknowledge my place in both a girl's heart and some of the greater schemes in life.
     
  15. qilver

    qilver Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2007
    Location:
    Reinyan's kitchen
    I am truly breathless as i read, and read again your posts and how everyone is sharing their experiences, and observations, recommendations. I am honestly touched by everyone's input, and what they have to share. I wish i could just answer everyone specifically, but i will say this, that LOVE is probably the most mysterious, most euphoric, most exciting thing in life, yet at the same time, it can be the most painful, the most hurtful, and can cause so much grief, and sadness that one can only imagine.

    At nearly 36 years old, i feel like i have been thru so much in relationships, yet at the same time, i have no idea what the hell love is about and how to get back into the dating game...i am truly clueless about how it all works, despite having experiences with 2 long term relationships that lasted 4 years and 5 years respectfully.

    I often wonder, what i would have to "give up", IF and WHEN i were to get into my next dating relationship. All the quirky, and different hobbies that other people may see that i have, will probably have to dissapate, and dimish. Being a Wota,Otaku is kinda of special, and adoring so many girls, and seeing their talents are a wonder thing. But in reality, I can only do so much, and i've actually gotten use to my single life, and what it has to offer. Sure, i do get those moments,and they happen quite often. Being lonely, in the romantic sense, yet having the freedom and independance to buy what i want, do what i want, when i want, and etc.....BUT, i really really do miss the companionship of a female. That "couple-ness", cannot really be filled, except by what it is, a relationship, as a couple. Obviously, it has to be for the right reasons for getting into a relationship. And as Kyu understands from my perspective, being over 30, and in the working world, it has been more of a challenge to meet eligible singles. I have tried and still am trying online dating, and in particular, a japanese dating website, which hasn't been too successful, but i had to try it.

    in reading your posts, i have given it deep thought, on my past experiences, the bitter sweet memories, etc....I also read and re-read some of your posts,and they are deep....i think we are all drawn to love, because what it brings us....simply,"emotion", and a "connection" hopefully with another we are attracted too...

    i too wonder if it is a mirage..a fantasy of mine to fall in love again with a girl, that i desire, and likewise getting wanted back from her. I miss the feeling, of being in love, and having it be reciprocated. I often wonder,why i've become more cynical, and more skeptical about love, sometimes it can be quite discouraging and depressing to think about. :confused:

    everyone, thanks for sharing, and continue your posts and share your thoughts and comments, suggestions. :D
     
  16. mogxiii

    mogxiii Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2007
    Location:
    W-ingz.
    ahh.. eye2-san.. domo~ *waves o/~ o-hisashiburi-desu-ne ^^ (been a while). ahahaha.. or i'm just too lazy posting in the other forum.

    good to hear that everythings good with your family. i still envy the fact that u have a Japanese wife. well, prolly most of us *gaijin wotas' here are envy. (i did ask my girl the possibility of having a japanese wife no.2 but she shot me down.. hahahaha)

    but anyhow, yea, when me and my girl first started, we felt all those "feelings", being lovey-dovey etc. rushing into relationship, doing stuff.. like going out etc. not bothering about what coming next.

    nowadays, its more like, trying to build our future.. for our kids, home etc. and since right now, we're having a festive season, i'm blowing up the neighbours with firecrackers.. nyeahahahaha.. with my girl's little brothers. hahaha.

    btw, i should have mentioned this in the "about myself" thread, but i'm the youngest and only 'guy' in my family. so its kinda lonely.. so it feels great to join in with the kids in my girl's family. makes me feel genki. ^^(p/s. my girl's the eldest in the family, and shes 1yr younger than me)

    edit: all in all, i felt like saying that, this thread shouldn't just stick with just "love, relationship" in terms of the 'other opposite sex', but also maybe talk about family etc. ^^ i think that loving a special someone is related with family.

    i have friends with *broken family's relations that has a hard time going out with their loved one, so i give them advises and try to make things better. ^^
     
  17. Ange

    Ange Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Location:
    The Stage48 Institute for Akimoto Sayaka Worship
    I know, I know. Don't think I haven't thought of that. I've feeling terrible about it. Somehow I feel he deserves an opportunity and that's what I'm trying to do. I know forgetting is really difficult thought I also know it is actually possible.

    Plus, I deserve an opportunity to love again. Love and being loved. I was dumped before but only God knows why, I want to faithful to someone, to someone I know is going to love me... I just need my time. I know I can do it. :)
     
  18. qilver

    qilver Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Jun 11, 2007
    Location:
    Reinyan's kitchen
    of course! you deserve happiness and to be love and love someone again. Timing is everything, and sometimes we go against what our mind tells us, IF there is a new opportunity, and in this particular case, you DO have one infront of you, and took that opportunity. I think what the heart and mind tells us are sometimes two different and conflicting things that are in constant struggle. Only you can deterimine what you want out of this, and finding happiness is never an easy thing. Being fair with yourself and the other person is most important, and if you feel at ease, this relationship will excel, and grow, but that doesn't mean it cannot if you are still getting over someone else, but it may be more challeging and take longer. I think it really varies, and it depends on the circumstance of your new versus old relationship. How long was your previous relatioship? was it on very bad terms, ending? do you constantly talk of your ex to your new bf? most important ly, are you at peace within yourself, despite how it ended.....it might be quite difficult to answer this question, at this time, but you may eventually see more clearer as time goes on as you look at this in retrospect.

    you state that "he needs and opportunity", and what exactly is that? and is it something you want for yourself? And like you had said, you know it, and thought about this, most likely quite extensively. And you mention you feel terrible? in what ways? I do think if you two ...are somewhat compatible and patient enough and if you are, and feel ready, for a relationship with someone new, then i think you can make this work. You may never forget entirely, about your last breakup, and i do believe, and not the best advice, but to get over someone quick, is to find another person...also, TIME of course helps with that. But what i do believe stongly is that you will learn to FORGIVE HIM, and YOURSELF....for feeling any guilt, or any bad feelings within yourself, on what transpired. So, in summary, you will eventually forget mostly, not entirely, depends on how long you were dating, how bad the breakup, how close you two were, etc....but you will learn to forgive, that is more important and the key to moving on into your next relationship, and with your case, NOW. so best of luck to you.
     
  19. mogxiii

    mogxiii Kenkyuusei

    Joined:
    Sep 28, 2007
    Location:
    W-ingz.
    I think, instead of just rushing into a relationship, its better to take things one at a time. Be friends, get to know each other, with no strings attached etc.

    If each of you think that you are meant for each other, then, go for it. Else, no harm done. Just stay good friends/buddies etc. *thumbsup*

    p/s. and another thing, don't be afraid to be honest.
     
  20. Ange

    Ange Member

    Joined:
    Oct 16, 2007
    Location:
    The Stage48 Institute for Akimoto Sayaka Worship
    qilver: those were nice words.

    Actually, my and my ex are good friends. Maybe that's why is so hard to forget. But is a good person, a good friend after all. So I don't want to lose that, too.

    I don't talk about my ex with the guy I'm dating. That would be... dirty. I'm respectful after all. :p

    And why I say he needs an opportunity? Looks like he's been always in love with me. Like he's been always waiting. I truly appreciate that from him. Now, he lives at another country, we are from the same country but he's a rolling stone. He'll be back to the country where he's living very soon. I shall go to visit him in some months. I want to see how this relation develops being apart.
     

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