Your dream last night?

I've been seeing this super-weird dream lately; I have been trying to leave to work in the morning, but right when
I step out of my house my car is waiting parked on the street and it says "We are not going to work today" and the car
just drives away and my dream ends.

Should I be worried lol?

 

No, but if I were you I would buy a bus ticket, just in case...

Last night I dreamed I met Lebron James...sometimes I can't find a single reason why the dream comes to my head...

 

I remembered I dreamt of me and Sakura were kissing on top of a sofa. (We are both the same age so its not lolicon)

Another dream is that the next generation of AKB48 girls are performing in the 2020 Olympics.

 

I heard every dream has meaning, both psychological & spiritual meanings. So what does the dream I often have mean?



Simply, I can fly in my dream! Flying like Superman or swimming through the air. Anyone knows if this is related to my personality?

 

My dream is the continuation of my dream a few days ago, so here was my dream:

Part 1:

Me and my group of friends (that I don't know who) went in an abandoned place that looked like a factory. We went there to investigate a case about some mysterious cases that happened there. One of our investigations were finding out on what happened on a school bus full of children that went missing. Well, to be specific, we were only looking for one child, but, being a good citizen of the Earth, we decided to look for all of them.

So, we went inside the gate. We saw that there were bulldozers, backhoe, and large containers with fine aggregates. The one that surprised us was a flipped backhoe right in front of the entrance. Of course, we didn't paid too much attention to it since the factory was abandoned and all and thought that maybe that's one of the reasons it shut down. But we noticed something odd, the backhoes and bulldozers somewhat looked brand new to us. As we go further, we noticed a more intriguing thing we found inside, pieces of a roller coaster track. Again, we didn't paid much attention to that. Before we entered, we saw a school bus that looked a bit old. It's dirty from the dust and some bird dung. One of us said something, I think it's me, like, "This must be the school bus." And, of course, with a little common sense, and a bit of sarcasm, they all agreed.

So, finally, we went inside the factory. Of course, what we saw is what we expected: cold, dark, and abandoned. We were now searching all over the place, we were surprised at how spacious the factory was. There were secret passages and rooms there. Of course, we thought that that helped with our investigation a little, but there seemed to be no trace for the children at all. As we headed towards the exit, we noticed that the door was closed and we were ll confused because we didn't hear any sound that this was closed. No heavy sound that it's being pushed or a loud bang.

So, anyways, we knew that we're trapped. So we went into a room where we found a bit comfortable to us. The room looked somewhat inhabited. There were machines that looked brand new. I think there were four of them? I looked at them and they looked somewhat odd. I remembered saying, "This really look like a torture chamber than a normal device." It really looks normal on the outside, but I noticed a bucket attached to it with glasses in the area of the eyes.

So we continued our investigation. We're still hoping for blood and dead bodies but as we continue, we couldn't find any. Until we stumble upon a place that looked like an inside of a castle. There were huge pillars, a red carpet, and a huge window above. Of course, curiosity wins. We found another door, so we opened it. And to our relief and surprise, we found ourselves outside. But there was something odd, there were no buildings near or far the place. It's like we're in the middle of nowhere. We didn't take the risk of going further outside. Just knowing that we're outside is a relief for us.

So we went back again inside and spent the night there. We're pretty sure our parents are worried sick about us. We remembered that we had our cellphones, so we tried them but there was no signal. One of us had a single bar but she said that it seemed that she couldn't contact outside. Of course, we started to get worried. We fell asleep after that.

Part 2: (My dream last night)

When I awoke, I noticed that the girls were missing and so thus the other two guys, so I asked where are they went to a guy named Philip and he said they went to investigate more. Then, one of our gang entered the room asking if we could come with them. I took out a laser pointer of some sort from the room then we left. So, to make the long story short, he lost track of the other three so he asked us to look with him. We went at the castle-looking place and went outside but we didn't saw them there.

We decided to go back inside. We were surprised that the place was dark which was not the same before we went out. Good thing Philip has a flashlight with him. When we reached the other door, the place suddenly lit up. We were relieved but then suddenly we heard a clank behind us. We looked behind and saw a headless armor with a sword walking towards us. I looked closely and I could see a head forming. His eyes were black, the area around his neck was red, and he's about to charge us. I don't know what got into me but I pointed the laser at his armor then at his face. He screamed and fell down. The head was gone and the armor just stayed on the ground.

We hurriedly went back inside the spacious area off the factory. We were confused why the area was so noisy. We decided to look out and finally saw the other three. They were looking over the spacious area, we went up to them and looked out. We were horrified at what we saw. There were people of all ages inside, but they were somewhat translucent and glowing, sitting in a rows of three. We could see some children teasing a boy and the grown-ups were looking gloomy.

I went down and yelled "What's going on!?" I saw the children quiet up and went back to their seats. I went up to them. As I was walking, I could see their glow were different colors. There were black, orange, red, blue, pink. I went up to the children and most of them have black glows. Then one of them said, "He started it" with a grin in his face. I looked at the kid they were teasing, he was crying. He has an orange glow. He looked at me and said "Save me" in a squirm. My eyes widened when his face matched the picture a woman gave us.

I don't remembered what happened next but we found survivors.

The rest is lengthy so...to be continued

Anyways, I was thinking if I'll make this into a novel or what, whaddya say?

 

Not last night but few months ago. A Japanese girl I have crush to, I refer her as Xchan, I won't reveal her true identity, appeared on my dreams multiple times. It was weird because I could talk to her in my first language & she was my classmate, I was back to college freshman year.

She never appeared on my dream again later. X chan, please appear in my dream again, I miss you so much…

 

I say get it on a Wordpress/Tumblr/Blogger, and let me read -- as you know I do love the dream state (when it doesn't scare the shit out of me, that is) -- & stories from visions interest me when they get processed through the dreamer's mind (a lot of detail gets lost the more you recall dreams, so unless it's a super-intense vivid one, they're diluted quite a bit by the time they hit paper/keystrokes). If you like I can give feedback as well...

I'm thinking of building a story around my cloning dream from last week too, though it'll be gradual due to work (holidays!).

 

Spoiler: Not so much a dream, as observations about dreaming...

• I've been told to switch to another flavor of the same family of gut meds, so have to taper off this one to prevent weird side effects, some of them happening in spite of the taper...
  
  One thing weaning my gut (and brain) off this med, that's irrefutable... is it affects my ability to recall dreams. Unblocking reuptake of serotonin in particular prevents that super-vivid, 3D-IMAX-but-with-smells-sounds-textures-&-even-tastes-amplified-to-11 recall... and my brain being subjected to months of high serotonergic stimulation, was understandably upset when I cut off its kaleidoscope supply. My dreams were for about a week or so, no longer full color recollection... though lately I think my mind is perhaps rewiring a bit? I say that due to some cognitive changes noticeable during this wean that weren't present before the meds, but remaining from full dosage... like tools and techniques I'd learned to deal with my rodeo gut, only from it being a bit subdued thru the med. Those techniques still work even with the med removed now... which is astounding for me.
  
  But back to dreaming. This rewiring and ability to reuse learned tools, is also happening with things learned about my mind, esp the dreaming. Dreams are now returning to full color / full conversations, starting to recall point-to-point movement (right after dose tapering couldn't even recall what I'd dreamed about, just feelings from the 'journey'... which was disorienting when you walk around all day with a deep sense of regret, but no clue about the dream that created it), and to a small extent, even control and lucidity. It's as if my mind, on a long vacation where it could escape its own habit energy and perpetuating external triggers, gained access to hidden truths... then returned, newly educated. Like Frodo coming back to the Shire from the One Ring journey... it changed him, so coming back to the Shire no longer seemed the same place. Quite similar-feeling...
  
  My dreams are shorter and certainly less cinematic now... but when I can recall details, they seem to be about more important things in life, marriage, and relationships, rather than just esoterica. Will post here when I get a good one... they may again be *all* good ones on this new med... or not. Will post...

 

Spoiler: *LONG POST* I had a pretty scary episode of... something, Wed night...

I don't usually suffer from insomnia, though in the beginning of my current gut med regimen, it was definitely there. Now I'm weaning off one to start a newer, supposedly better med with fewer side effects, and have been noticing changes as mentioned elsewhere in my Lobby posts: dreams aren't as vivid as before, but pleasantly, some skills learnt while under full dosage, still work coming off the med completely.

And then there's something else, out of nowhere.

Some background: Wednesday was a helluva busy day. The most clients in months, hosting houseguests, wife catching a cold so she couldn't help out nor enjoy herself. In the midst of this, a client I hadn't seen in over a year returned to my table.

The first draft of this post was ungodly long, so I'll summarize: bodywork often involves more esoteric knowledge and experience than even the bodyworker realizes... and with some clients astounding things can happen, beyond the already mysterious workings of the human mind and body.

This client was a relative of a longtime one, and they only came to the island from L.A. once a year if that. Thus, wasn't able to figure out their patterns and plot them on a timeline like all my local clients, so had no idea what habits were causing what brought him to my table: a thrown back.

The client was grossly overweight, borderline obese... so the sheer weight of deep and superficial abdominal fat was heavily stressing their lumbar column, a recipe for a thrown back even without strenuous effort -- just rolling over in bed can do it. They couldn't rise from a seated position without searing, biting pain -- which normally is quite routine to fix. However, a set of muscles my discipline teaches never to manipulate carelessly, could've been the culprit -- the psoas group.

The psoas is the ultimate core muscle group, deepest of them all. They attach to the sides and front of the lumbar column, under all your viscera (guts)... then reach down to pass over the pubis bone (the front of the pelvis) and attach to the inside of the femur under the hip joint. Its job is to flex, or close, the hip joint... vs. the gluteus maximus, which extends, or opens it. However it's not supposed to be the main muscle responsible for that -- your giant-by-comparison quads are. Situps increase tension and shorten the psoas, as your abs lift your upper body off the floor up only to ~11 degrees angle; after that, it's all psoas. And since they're two mirrored groups of muscles... it's impossible to build them symmetrically, so you always end up with one side building more than the other, putting asymmetrical tension on, you guessed it -- your lumbar spine... leading to all sorts of white-hot pain and weakness that makes you feel 90 yrs old.

However in bodywork, the psoas is also known for another, more sinister & mysterious property: since it connects the upper and lower body in the core... working it improperly can seriously disorient the brain's sense of how to connect the upper and lower body... leading to falls and even car accidents in more extreme cases. I've watched past clients get up from the table after being properly processed... and nearly fall backwards because their brain and body could not agree on where the body is. Their eyes glaze over, due to a nerve plexus being stimulated during the process, invoking a 'blissed-out' state. They've even told me, with both conditions plain as the nose on your face, that they're fine, and try to pay and leave. Under no circumstances should they be allowed to leave in that condition; I have to 'ground' them -- which restores their equilibrium and sense of place in space, in order to prevent the disorientation and accidents mentioned.

Which brings us back to my client. I determine it can only be the psoas causing the problem... and sure enough, their L3 & L4 vertebrae are being sucked into the body relative to its neighbors -- classic psoas hypertension. I get them ready to be processed, which requires complete trust, since I'm working around their organs. They must let my hands go where needed, and not push me out -- two attempts aborted due to resistance, and the work must be stopped, whether they intended to push me out, or not. Ida Rolf, founder of Structural Integration and bodyworking pioneer... said 'the body is way smarter than you are -- don't second-guess it'. Proven advice again and again IME...

He wasn't able to avoid pushing me out, and I don't take it personally -- it happens, despite the best intents of all. But forcing my way into that region is a cardinal no-no... their spouse told me that they had abdominal surgery in the area years ago, so the reaction made all kinds of sense. They paid, and decided to try again another day.

All was fine... rest of the day seemed the usual routine with the houseguests, dinner was leftover turkey, some laptop... shower & bed, same as always.

That's when it happened.

I'd gone to sleep rather fitfully... it was a weird hot & humid night, something here portending a storm coming... so my fan was on. It was comfy until ~3am, when I awoke to turn it off.

My laptop's charge cord has an LED that gives a faint glow to the room once my eyes acclimate to the dark, so could make out pretty much everything in the room, save some darker corners. Turned the fan off and tried to drift off again, facing our bedroom door. Wife was fast asleep, worn out from the day. Houseguests were on the other side of the house, no one in the bathroom (light faintly illuminates the hallway otherwise, visible under my door). Was in that state where I'm half-asleep, half-awake... can lapse into dream-like abstraction, which sometimes allows me to 'see' my thoughts as they become the dream state... but can also still feel breathing and heartbeat, which doesn't happen IME, in even lucid dreams.

Suddenly... there's this, I dunno how to describe it... but it felt big -- and like a 3D blanket or wall-ignoring cloud, it changed the feeling in the room a shade darker, and heavier. As soon as I noticed, there was this peak in the feeling, not quite a sound, more like someone startling you... and instantly, I froze with this deep, visceral fear.

The weird thing was... I could still think clearly, but could barely move, or make a sound. I tried to roll over or call out to wake my wife... but couldn't. For about two mins, literally frozen with fear, I was feeling in real time, something was in the room with us. Oddly though... I still had my wits about me, to notice what was going on. Chalk it up to prior experience, I guess...

Okay. So since learning bodywork from a Buddhist priest... there were some esoteric techniques just for this kind of situation... and boy did they come in handy.

In dealing with the more, um... mysterious aspects of deep tissue bodywork, you get to see -- and feel -- some really unnerving stuff. So, there're techniques to protect yourself and your client, and one of them is to tuck your thumbs in your fists when you feel that hair on the back of your neck stand up. It was explained this keeps vital energy circulating within your body, instead of blending with that in your surroundings, so 'things' out there can't see you -- you literally disappear to them, cutting this thread of connection they use to find you. I was able to confirm this 20+ yrs ago in an alarming situation which is a story for another post... so knew it worked. But in bodywork... when you go deep into people to liberate them, you also can knock free other things they might be carrying. Sometimes... these things can leave them and give relief, but now, are in your house with you. I didn't think to clear the room that day, since my client refused to let me in... but obviously, now frozen stiff and unable to cry out... something came out of my client.

Since I was still able to move slightly, I tried to get my thumbs in my fists. It seemed to take hours, like moving through tar... but after a few seconds got them covered -- and just like that, it was gone -- the darkness, the weight, the paralysis. I was able to reach for the overhead fan remote and turn on the light, to the chagrin on my wife who was about to chew me out, then saw my expression and listened to what happened. She was so glad to've missed it (she was with me through my previous encounter). What's weird, was just before the paralysis, I was seeing images of a road, and walking behind a group of men or boys, maybe walking home from school? It was uncharacteristically vivid for my lowered med dose... but while I could see buildings and landmarks very clearly... I recognized nothing, which reinforced my suspicions: I think the traumatic memory of whatever was in the client's psoas he was pushing me away from, was connected to this thing. Client is over 50... so that's a long time for memories, good or bad, to morph into a great many things in the mind-body. I'll have to ask the client about this when they return for followup.

Years ago, my mentor gave me a box of this special 'clearing' senko, or incense, made specifically for bodywork... hadn't used it in a while, but after this I fogged the damned house with it, which no one, even the houseguests, seemed to mind (Japanese family, after all). So far so good.

In conclusion... I don't know if it's my mind's adjustment to the lowered dose that predicated all of this, or if it was truly a paranormal event -- I tend to bias the latter, given my history with them. Having gone through a few bad ones with my mentor and others present... I can dismiss claims that they don't exist -- they do, in no uncertain terms. Also, dreams can only be made of what you've experienced or imagined firsthand -- so your dreams usually contain familiar themes, objects and situations. To see unfamiliar surroundings and situations in so clear a vision? It'd be a first for me. Lastly, is the instant abatement of the fear and paralysis once my thumbs were tucked, just like in other events. And I've never felt that paralyzing fear in any dream or vision -- so was awake and lucid while it was happening.

So yeah... I now clear the room at the end of the day, as a new routine. Don't know if that episode was just a warning to heed in 2018... taking no chances with this happening again.

 

Spent this weekend taking a nap.

I got a bizarre dream, Rie was my sister & I called her oneesan.

 

Spoiler

Well, the new med is making friends with my gut quite well, have to admit. Some strange little side effects like an occasional tongue numbness (??) but far fewer overall (thank god) than the other med...

Dreams? Not too bad... though without the extra serotonin dreams are going to be less spectacular, yada-yada. This new med seems to be giving the the same efficacy at min dose as the old at max, so that's a huge win. But dreams lately are much more drab, though the subject matter is more interesting...

I've been dreaming more of family lately. My wife, her dad and mom, my mom, my sibs & in-laws. I've gone decades not dreaming about them, and suddenly, there they are. I'm chalking this up to some of their extended stay in my house, but they've been here before without being dreamt about. Then again, I wasn't on this gut med a year ago, either.

Much less vivid recall, and more gossamer at that. Dream recall is back to the usual 'goldfish scoop' -- those goldfish-catching games at Japanese summer festivals, you use a paper scoop, which only has a finite amount of attempts in it before holing... and that can depend on how carefully you use it. Same with (normal) dreams -- every time you recall a dream, it's 'smudged' slightly, less and less of it within your grasp... until finally you can remember only feelings, then even those fade and become forgotten.

On the past med, the magic ingredient allowing near-total immersion in the 'fluid' of the dreamscape -- serotonin -- was cranked up to a point where the sensory experience of the dream was almost indistinguishable from reality -- so the brain encoded these experiences, not as dreams, but as temporal and experiential memory -- a huge difference when comes time to recall them. YMMV -- my brain isn't neurotypical, so don't be turning tricks to get SSRIs for hyperdreaming, if your brain isn't similar to mine. And of course... I'm not a doctor, and I'm not giving medical or other authoritative advice on this subject, let's make that clear.

The recall of the dreams are less 4D-in-4K than before... but my sleep quality is WAY better. As such, it seems to compensate for some loss of fidelity. My dream last night was of my brother and sister, and the three of us are in some kind of activity with some older-gen family, where we're in some kind of high-tech physical and mental competition, like that Japanese TV show where you have to take your team to retrieve objects and achieve goals, without being pursued and caught by Agents a la The Matrix. Less big though, more personal -- rather than a whole mall- or acre-sized playing field, it's more the size of a haunted house in a typical mall, maybe two store's worth of floor space. Walls all black, but you can hear the crowd of shoppers outside the playing field... and gold lattice and frameworks for boxes and cases and buttresses, contrasts against the black matte (maybe velvet?) backdrop. We're asked to wear these glasses, that look like ordinary wire-framed round eyeglasses... and suddenly I see why this game is so challenging -- with the glasses on, you can see only the goldwork, all spacial cues for the black room magically disappear, as if you're floating in space.

The bits I can remember are hiding among rows of gold showcases a la a jewelry shop, but the rows arcing in 3D floes and organic paths... some are aquariums with brilliant cyan and pink and orange fish with corals and anemones... some with brilliant jewels and necklaces and other toffware. They're illuminated with invisible LEDs(?) so it looks as if the water or jewelry itself is glowing, not being shone upon. I see my brother trying to duck down between some rows, looking through an aquarium right next to me... it's the thing where I watch him look around and eventually our eyes meet, and I tag him out. We stand and I rib him like we were kids... he gets escorted off the field, and I follow him, saying I'm ready to just watch the rest play... and there ends my 'tape'...

I remember waking up very refreshed that morning. I never wake up refreshed; it's been fitful sleep ever since my military days, just used to crappy quality and pushing through it. My New Year's dream sleep wasn't at all like this. My subconscious has an annoying tendency to be glib about what it's doing, so I have no idea why the dream was so cathartic. But I am delighted the vividness is coming back, if in fits and clips.

 

Spoiler: Long post is long...

Whoops -- sorry about getting here late for last night's dream... but had a kind of shitty morning (unexpected weirdness and some nasty exchanges with a neighbor across from me, forcing a call to LEOs to fix it... then had to work on some strange problems with a new client). Anyhow, here's the breakdown...

Got to bed sort of early last night (~2 hrs early)... but that's not unusual in the late winter/early spring, when the days are getting longer at a quicker rate (I tend to bed later and later on the far side of the summer solstice for the same reason). Getting used to this new med nicely, no longer causing the stomach upset that can tank a good dream set...

If you want to dream vividly... one secret is to keep the room as cool as possible, without making you rouse to cover yourself up. For me whom central air is neither needed nor wanted in January, it's all up to a small tower fan. Wife gets chilled easy so stays comforter'd up; I sleep atop the covers or with just a single sheet (which some family from Hokkaido also do while visiting here, except with a towel lol), so it's pretty easy to stay cool. Years ago I used to eat bleu or Stilton cheese if I was having trouble with lack of vivid -- it works brilliantly -- but needless to say insane to eat bleu cheese everyday just to elicit a dream state; now it's totally out of the question. So I was plenty comfy and my wife zonked out from a long day... and the dream began.

As mentioned before, the subject matter of this year's dreams has changed a lot from last, reason unknown. More family stuff, more serious, interpersonal stuff vs. lots of outlandish situations and exotic (and hilarious) things. This vivid started out with me talking to 'someones' (plural) I knew from the military... can see their faces but still can't for the life of me remember their names, but we were perhaps 19 or so, in my first duty post/second assignment, in Germany. It was on Larson Kaserne, long since closed.

I was having strange 'blips' in and out of semi-lucid awareness, and back to just being a 'rider' (the dreamer just dreams like a 3D film being played). To illustrate a bit easier some landmarks to be described, here's a map of Larson Kaserne/Barracks:

(even just seeing the map here, brings back a chilling amount of recall and nostalgia... this map is early '80s, but the kaserne was pretty much the same when I was there)

So I lived in building [5]. The main gate of LK/B, looked like this ~2010 or so. The white bldg on the right is [1]; [5] is just beyond the 2 trees on the far left...

Larson Kaserne was originally a medical post for the Nazis, and we repurposed it after the war. Bldg [5] used to be their hospital... and it was an odd configuration: it ran like a long wall, all the way to [9], which is where the 3ID's 1/9th ARTY (artillery regiment) had their barracks; my unit deployed with them to Desert Storm. It had a series of heavy steel doors with chains and big padlocks between units, but in WWII you could walk all the way from one end to the other. Three stories tall and quite creepy in some rooms (as expected of a former hospital wing). Number [46], the L-shaped bldg upper left next to the 'SOFTBALL FIELD'... was our S1, or post command/admin bldg where all the brigade bigwigs worked. Underneath was a basement floor where I stored files... and in back was this weird little room, probably 3x3m. I asked my big boss one day if he knew why that room was so tiny. He said because the Nazis used the S1 bldg as a morgue, and that was where the slab was. Not being a joke-y sort of officer, I believed him... which didn't make polishing the wax in the 50-ft long S1 corridor at 3am on duty any easier...

Anyhow... back to my dream. In the panoramic pic above in front of the brown bldg ([4]), there used to be what we called a 'gut truck', a old German version of the modern taco truck -- they made cheap, greasy schnitzel, fries, bratwurst, pizza, and other treats for us drunk GIs to gratefully stuff our faces with, even in the dead of winter, -20 degF (-29C)...

It was wintertime (not -20 though)... was dressed in running shorts and ARMY gray PT T-shirt, to acclimate to the cold while I got my schnitzel and fries (hey, it works). A couple of friends from the barracks were messing around with me, doing the usual weekend get-plastered thing. It *felt* like around Thanksgiving, 9pm or so. I could feel the cold air shrink my skin as I walked the 100m from the rightmost L of [5] (our barracks door) out the gate to the truck. I remember looking back at the bldg -- literally that short bit of the L -- as I walked, the smell of cooking grease as [27] is our mess hall (nowadays referred to as a 'DFAC'. The Army sure loves its acronyms ). The harsh spotlights above the main gate buzzed loudly as I rushed up to get my junk food, and smelled the fries waft up my nostrils, rushing back before they (and me!) got too-cold...

So as you might've noticed... this was a rather good dream, if there're smell memories -- that's usually a sign of the most vivid ones. The rest of the dream isn't as consistently vivid, possibly because my brain was trying to piece together experiences I either blocked out, or more likely just simply forgot, to fit the narrative of the dream. My friends were a couple whom I'd met while in-processing into the Division, and we had common interests, like volksmarching and going to see the then-new World Superbike (WSB) races at Hockenheim in the summer... so got close. Being a third wheel though, had to be respectful of the awkwardness... but they were pretty cool about us doing things together, esp roadtripping. My dream goes on to involve a conversation I'd long thought forgotten about, almost as if I was reliving it...

I'd gotten back, rushed upstairs and entered my room where they were waiting... listening to some Led Zeppelin (maybe "II"?) on my stereo. My room is flat white, walls this hard, rocky plaster -- walk into it, it's gonna leave a mark (this same stuff crumbled like sand from the ceiling in big holes in the hallway; we wondered at the time if it was because the bldg was shifting on the earth and the curved shape was failing in the weakest part first -- the big hallways). I has only my bed to sit on, so handed the b/f his schnitzel and g/f her plate of fries and we all sat eating on it, talking about our day and the races being over and Xmas time coming soon. It was one of the first years stationed there I didn't fly all the way back home on leave, to be with family; that used to be a twice-a-year journey for me. Had just found out my parents had divorced, so suddenly the urge to go halfway around the world, 24 hrs in the air, wasn't all that attractive. I was going to save the leave for an extra set of roadtrips we were planning...

She stood to go use the bathroom, and the two of us opened a glass gallon jug of Donald Duck orange juice and a bottle of dark Cuervo tequila, my poison back when I drank like a fish... and talked about what we wanted to do when we 'got back to the world', as we called returning from overseas duty. The rotgut smell of that Cuervo and the sickly-sour flavor of the cheap, PX orange juice is almost overpowering; even typing this my stomach's forming a neat little knot...

He mentioned probably marry her, buy a house, stay in until he retired in 12 years or so... but he did want to get a motorcycle. Trouble was, his g/f wanted a Harley, while we both loved sportbikes... prolly a moot point anyway, since a house was a lot more expensive. I remember saying something about my pics from Stuttgart (...? I'd never been to Stuttgart), that I wanted to see the Porsche factory there, and was probably not gonna be back in Germany anytime soon, so gotta get stuff done while you have the chance. Recalled that he nodded and went back to eating, but didn't say much more. I wondered in my head if I'd crossed a line with him...

The dream then shifts to memorable moments in my 3-yr stint in Germany... mostly just images and esp strong feelings of certain points in time and space -- moments when I do something done since a little kid: stop and wonder if I'll remember this moment ten years or more from now. Something about that awareness of the then-here-and-now, sets it in a special way in my strange melon... things like a few seconds walking through a big square in Frankfurt, where the light that day had a 'silvery', utopian quality... visiting a restaurant near a castle in Würzburg, rustic wood, dark and candlelight and smell of roast pork and hominy... sleeping in a gasthaus, open window to freezing weather, yet a sublime down comforter keeping me perfectly, well comfortable... walking away from a bar downtown, as a drinking buddy was chasing a girl and I needed to exit, feeling the night air on my face, walking drunk up the long, lonely hill back to the barracks at 2am...

Not sure what the context or intent of the dreams is, not a whit... all I'm really seeing is my vivid dreams are back.

 

Seriously guys, it gives a big impact. You can see me on Twitter & I bought 3 Rie photocards.

 

Spoiler

This past week's dreams have been fairly vivid, but fleeting -- after about an hour I barely recall them, just the overall feeling of an experience hanging there, like a torn flag...

Oddly (for me anyway)... they've settled on the theme of being in a group, with more females than males (I rarely, if ever dream of other males, even being bisexual... they're usually a result of being involved as part of a larger experience / trauma (like when my hand was severely injured in a crash on cold tires during a warm-up lap on a track in WA... I dreamt of the EMTs and ER docs for a few nights -- and this is long-pre gut issues)). They're... cozy dreams. I feel kinship and a quite Japanese I've-been-in-the-same-class-with-these-people-all-my-school-life feeling. Having not had anything like that growing up, can't help but think it's wishful thinking... but so vividly? It's as if I'm seeing someone else's memories. But I've not worked on or hung out with any JDM natives / expatriates lately?

What is related to me in these dreams (are they sequential? Maybe...) are the sense that I'm somewhere faraway (which is perhaps my big Fukuoka trip planned -- luck willing -- for the summer). I've had similar dreams just with slightly swapped environments, number of participants, and destination, but always with friends... some which I'd not even though about in decades, like my dreams are rummaging through my most forgotten memories.

As before... the more vivid ones I can piece together outside emotions... were after being chilled nearly the entire night (forgetting to turn my fan off). It was also oppressively humid last night; my windows were covered in 'sweat'. Let's see what the rest of the week'll bring.

 

Spoiler

'Let's see what the rest of the week'll bring' was my closing sentiment last post. I guess 'careful what you wish for' is going to be the opening one for this post...

New gut med's been working pretty flawlessly, prior to last night. Some minor s/e & adjustments, yada-yada. Smooth sailing.

There was however, this nagging feeling in back of my brain, that the odds were going to catch up to me (and eerily... I've rarely been wrong about this when concerns medicine or medical care). Like when you feel things are going too smoothly... and there's got to be some ambush out there. I got my wish, at the end of an otherwise damned nice day...

Had a good run squaring away some back burner house projects, plus a couple of regular clients got on my table. Wife though brought home a crapload of files from work she needed to slave over and conference call Sat AM (thanks Wife's Boss)... so our quality time would have to be rain-checked. No worries, she's more than generous with similar stuff + I owe her some honey-dos (ah marriage ), so off to the internet I went.

Not seeing her at our normal bedtime, went out and got her a four-pack each, of grape Propel and Red Bull (her favorite midnight oil drink) + bagged popcorn with nutritional yeast and arare (rice cracker bits)... then went to bed.

Once I got to that comfy, twilight space... noticed the night was unusually hot and humid. Cranked up my fan, no help. Called down to tell the wife I was turning a/c on about ten minutes, until the bedroom was down to 70. Got there, shut 'er down and max'd the fan as I fell onto my side to sleep.

Eyes were just getting to the point where they'd stay closed... when the feeling changed in the room. Called out my wife's name softly, no answer. Probably just my state of mind, but was now fully awake, in pitch blackness. Tucked my thumbs just in case (actually wasn't really convinced it was that cause, but no harm in being prepared). Slowly began to drift off again, sensation no longer there and relaxation surrounding me like a thick, cool blanket...

Think that's when I first sensed, something was off... this time, with the flow of sleep...

During my slow dive into sleep... a headspace happens where thoughts and dream images begin to merge. Think them, see them. Like watching TV, but made up of your thoughts. They began experimenting with lucid dreaming -- MILD and WILD methods -- ~ten years ago. And earlier in this thread on the other gut med, I'd described some dreams in blindingly exquisite detail (like the clone / sky tree dream)... well, remember those two things when I describe what happens next...

It was sort of as if any simple concept -- a lamp, a bed, a glass of water on the nightstand... was deconstructing, right before my eyes.

I'd rolled over onto my back and felt the fan waft eddies and little whorls of cool air over me, eyes closed, atop the sheets. Opening them at first gave me the black of our room, but soon little... vignettes?... began to bubble out of it, as if surfacing from the bottom.

Wait -- what the fuck do you mean, 'vignettes', stormy? Do you even know the meaning of that word? I do... it's a picture or image of something, that blends seamlessly into background around its edges. Or a description of something that evokes strong imagery. I only call what I began to see with this word... because really, there's no way to describe it with words and do it any justice. I will try, though...

Imagine you're in a room with a bunch of familiar objects -- in a bedroom, your bed, chair, desk, lamp, plant, etc. In my state, I'd allow the vignette to swallow me, envelop me. And everything from within the 'bubble' of the vignette, was just my surroundings... but imbued by some shift of grace that revealed what was 'inside' them...

A desk was actually, billions of individual pieces of... other ordinary things. Swirling, darting away from my hand, like a vast school of fish. Each 'fish' itself, was many things, 'shuttling' thru countless states of being something for a nanosecond, then another, so fast one only barely make out what one state was, hundreds of 'shuttles' later. They stayed a size and shape that compromised peacefully with all other 'fish' around them, swelling and shrinking impossibly fast. Most were these blurs of state... but some shifted much more slowly, so I could recognize what they were, see them rotate and dance with the rest of the 'school'. This is hopelessly inadequate compared to what I saw.

Imagine the whole of M.C. Escher's works, esp his Swiss period and later... but in three dimensions, combining all if their imagery into blur-fast, tesselated insanity...

In fact... the act of just experiencing this dream, was intensely uncomfortable -- I woke with a shudder, on my back, drenched in sweat. Turning onto my side and closing my eyes, THERE it was again, on the inside of my eyelids, practically. It actually hurt my head, to dream this dream -- I've never in my fucking life, seen a dream so intensely detailed and layered, with inception-like thousands of manifolded worlds, all somehow perceived and experienced at the same time, as this goddamned dream-mare. There was a pain like... being tickled is the closest thing, but in the whole of your brain. It got so uncomfortable and overloading... just kept my eyes open, in the dark, counting to ten with the breath as with meditation. No sound... but shit the imagery was enough -- I didn't have enough ass left to add another sensory channel, Jesus Christ...

This kept up, for hours. My wife finally blasted light into the room, getting a few winks before her call. Fuck, that's in 2hrs 50 mins. She knows that look... and came 'round to my side of the bed and sat and talked with me. I'd gotten zero sleep... luckily, no morning clients.

We agreed, this was much like experiences described by those taking aggressive psychotropic pharm, like bufotenine -- 5-HO-DMT, the big one. I'd never taken bufotoxin, but she had. We got up and went to the tub, where she pulled a cool bath, plain water... and I eagerly dunked in. The gut med wasn't supposed to produce anywhere near this level of serotonin in the brain... so while I could find no fault with its gut-calming abilities... not sleeping with monstrous DMT-like trips scaring the living dogshit out of me, was a no-go. Nothing at all like the clone dream -- that was like experiencing something IRL. This was real life^Graham's Number...

Monday... call to my doc. Have a feeling, a nagging feeling... she's heard these kinds of symptoms before. Just a hunch.

 

Few days ago (when this forum was dead), I got a dream that I was in my 12th grader, I was in same class with my friend who is actually 2 years younger than me, & 2 JKT48 members; Melody & Yupi, also not in same age with me we all were in same age at that my dream. We were studying for state university entrance exam.

 

Spoiler: Some references from my earlier post (28 Jan)

M.C. Escher's Swiss Period... and later

Bufotenine (5-HO-DMT)

Spoiler: Note

Incilius alvarius toad venom contains 5-MeO-DMT (which is NOT N,N-DMT, or true DMT) and 5-HO-DMT (bufotenine). I do not claim in my post to have first-hand knowledge of psychotropic experience... just that my wife has, and my personal dream exp only manifested some of the effects of bufotenine; this is a distinction I feel has to be made to avoid the inference I'm some sort of trip-happy psychonaut. I'd much rather get my serotonergic trips with lucid dreaming tbh...

Graham's number

 

Spoiler

Well, talked to my doc... she'd heard of these symptoms, though pretty rare here in the community (great...) Said to halve the dose and see if the symptoms persist, see you in five weeks

To her credit, no longer seeing the DMT-like vision quest on the back of my eyelids, thank god. But the dreams are certainly still there...

Few nights ago... wasn't an ultra-vivid but its emotions were intense (I got waves of them nuzzling me like a stray dog, when something reminded me of a point in the dream the next day). Again the theme is being with a bunch of friends somewhere. I guess aside from the trippy rare one, my dreams on a not-serotonin-flooded mind center on few themes recently: long-term settlement somewhere far away (mostly schooling but it can vary); being with friends (or Japanese-style, year-1->12 classmates); and being in a giant building or man-made complex, lost or waiting for something...

This episode, felt like Europe again. I'm outside, I can see the heads of a crowd of people lining up about 20-abreast on a street (perhaps a real cobble street, with large stone walls similar to towns like Kitzingen I've lived near). It slopes up next to some Victorian-era bridge or riveted lattice structure painted dark brown like wood, walls all around are whitewashed and spotless. Have to be 1000 people arcing up over a small hill across this bridge, teeming with hushed small talk and shuffling of feet... about 8am or so, under a cloudy, post-rainstorm sky, glow of the sun's disk reduced to a featureless mumble of silver light. I'm with the friends that always populate my dreams, cracking jokes and passing the time in this queue... man, feels so natural, though. Haven't had these kinds of friend circles since my mil days...

Been a couple of days since the dream, so recall is fading... but as before it wasn't so much about imagery as emotions, thoughts. Remember thinking in the queue 'this is new, don't have to do this where I come from'... then the realization this is all really happening, here I am in _____. I'm a great fan of atmospheric phenomena... and recall feeling a complex chord of emotions as the skies shimmered in front of the sun, that velvety white veil of sunlight through high clouds, a wisp of iridescence reminding you ancient peoples interpreted these same skies as faces of the holy. Feeling small, standing here... and my mind daydreams as that chill I got to know so intimately three long years in Germany attempts to sneak past my collar, aches on my ears and fingertips...

Has to be a mashup of countless moments in mil overseas... but I'm not in the Army, none of the people around me are military, everything is civilian... definitely don't feel as if I'm still in uniform, rather service was already a distant memory... perhaps dredged up again by the context of the dream environment. No idea what it's supposed to mean, but if it's just mind barf... I guess I'm not supposed to.

 

I just can't remember the whole story but I remember this particular scene in which I lay down my head on an idol (yes, but I can't remember who) and she's just cleaning my ear

 

Okay, I have the most bizarre dream, ever

Spoiler: Dream: Contains some things that you might be uncomfortable with

So, I dreamed that I was some sort of syndicate, like, I was very known to the police, a most-wanted criminal. At the beginning of my dream, I was chased by police officers because I blew something up. They didn't caught me and I remained hidden from one of our houses in a province. After some time, I decided to resume my activities. I went back to the slum area in the city and joined a gang of bandits or thieves and I don't know what happened but I became their boss. I told them my name but not my true identity. After that, I went back to our house in the province. There I met my step-sister who's just 3 months younger than me, who was also my childhood friend. Things started to change, we started to look differently at each other.

Spoiler: wew

Talk about incest

She knew that I was a part of a gang and decided that she wants to join. Being the only female, I told my subordinates that she's my girlfriend and anyone who dares to do something will face consequences, and I added that give her respect as you respect me. So, they accepted her as one of us.

After that, we decided to go home. When we're in, our parents and siblings weren't there so she asked me a question: "Are you serious with me?" and I said "Yes". She dragged me to my room and you know what happened next, but all I remember is I just closed my eyes during 'that'. Afterwards, we decided to live by ourselves. Months passed and we have a baby boy. After a few months, we came back to the slums, of course, with our son.

We finally started our first "mission" of some sort and she's with us. Our mission was stealing a car and/or train, can't remember, and then going to different provinces to deliver something (hopefully it ain't drugs though). To my surprise, she's enjoying what we're doing. We decided to have a little stop over. One of my guys got a guitar with his stolen vehicle. When he played, I cringed, so I took it from him and I showed off my skills. We sang and sang until I noticed one of my subordinates looked 'suspicious' to me. His face was in shock. He went outside and I know something was up. I gave the guitar to someone else and I followed him.

"A young look, an average body build, not that fat and not that slim, good at playing the guitar and good at singing. No way," and his voice trailed off. I tapped his back and he jumped in surprise. He turned around and his eyes widen with fear.

"B-Boss," he stuttered.
"W-What are you d-doing here?" he asked.
"I know you know something," I directly said to him. He stood frozen in place. "If you tell anyone about this, including my wife, you're dead," I pointed at his chest. It looked like he's about to cry. He was shaking like crazy.

We want back with the group and I started to sing-along with my gang. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. He went beside my son's cradle and fiddled with something. I decided to ignore that and continued singing. Early in the morning, I was the first one up. I went outside our hideout and he came out next. When I saw him, I couldn't shake the feeling that he did something. I felt that he broke what we talked about last night. So, I approached him, covered his mouth my hand and I dragged him into the forest.

"You did something, right?" I angrily asked.
"No! I didn't do anything!" he answered.
"You went to my son's cradle, what did you do?" my rage is now uncontrollable.
"Nothing, I mean it!" his tears were welling up.
"Liar!"

I took out a straw rope and tied his mouth and hands, then I tied him to a tree. I hurriedly went back to the hideout to get a shovel. I went back at him and he was trembling and crying. I dug a hole and placed him in there. Alive. I left the shovel there and went back to our hideout. There wasn't anyone awake yet. A few hours passed and some of my guys went outside and cooked our breakfast. They didn't noticed that one of them was missing. Then, my wife came out. She gave me a 'good morning' kiss on the lips and started to talk with me. When I talked to her, I can't shake the feeling that there's something wrong. I told here I'll go check our son and went inside.

There are still some that are asleep, so I didn't bothered them. I want to my son's things and noticed something. Of course, the packaging have words but there were words that were highlighted. And every word highlighted points at my real identity. I was about to clean it up but my wife called me for breakfast. I was still holding a bottle in my hand when she called me. I gently put down the bottle and slowly get up. She noticed the bottle and she picked it up. I hurriedly went outside and wished she hadn't read anything in that. After a few seconds, she went out to me, crying.

"How long have you been lying to me?" she asked. I didn't answered. I couldn't speak. All my words just vanished.
"I can't believe that you're 'that'!" she told me.
"Let's go home and start packing up! I don't want to be with you anymore!" she threw the bottle in my face and walked away.

I saw the guys from the corner of my eye looking and asking each other 'what happened to them?' I just hoped that they misunderstood what she said to me. So, we went home and I entrusted the boys to finish the job. After we arrived, I started packing up. She didn't speak to me a single word at home. I gave her an amulet, in fact, it's a Shadow Amulet, and told me that she doesn't need any gifts from me but I insisted she take it and she does. She told me that she's just gonna have some fresh air and went outside. I resumed my packing and remembered all the good things happened to us. When I got bored packing up, I decided to go outside for a bit. As I walk, I noticed the amulet I gave her lying on the ground.

That's the end of my dream.
Man, I want it to continue!