Kinoshita Momoka (Kinoshita) / 1st Generation

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I just saw the thumbnail, I was screaming

 

long interview

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^ I just watched this video today and it was a really raw and honest interview. Some of it touches on stuff known or suspected since NMB days, and some of it was brand new to me.

Her mum was very obsessive about her entering the entertainment industry. She started taking auditions when she was 4. Her sister was ugly and so had to study, but because Momoka was cute she had to become famous. Didn't want to become an idol. Her mum applied to NMB in secret, and took her to auditions on the way home from school without telling her.
If she failed, her mum was physically abusive. But she never hit her face cause she wanted her to become an idol. When she was a teenager, she started to rebel, and would get in fist fights with her mother. Her stepdad was 'invisible' and her big sister was a delinquent. Her mum remarried 4 times; her dad was the 3rd guy. She only found out she and her sister had different dads when she was 20.

When she passed NMB auditions, she was happy because she had acheived the goal her mother had set for her, but also completely apathetic about NMB itself. These two conflicting views would rule over her idol life.
She didn't realise how big passing the audition of 48G/Yoshimoto was at that time.
Milky told the others to stay away from her because she's weird. (but they later became friends)

In the early days, she looked like a royal road idol with long black hair, but mentally she was in a bad place. She was scared of violence in her home, rarely attended school and had few friends, and was under pressure in NMB. She often thought about suicide. She doesn't have much memory of that time.
Things changed when she entered senbatsu after a blog post of her went viral. Her blog was crazy and alien, and got 1000s of comments. It felt like the stranger she acted, the better the result. She developed a 'NMB senbatsu Momoka' personality, seperate from her true self.
In NMB, she liked performing, the theatre, being able to see the faces of fans, and making people laugh. But she had no desire to become famous and no goals in NMB. She also didn't really care about the ranking part of 48G, hence why she stopped participating in SSK.
Constant auditions in her youth had left her traumatised of tv stations/cameras. When she had to do TV work with NMB, she was scared to the point she had convulsions, and people around her thought she was on drugs.

In 2016 Akimoto really liked her and gave her solo's like Priority. She was panicked over this and tried to refuse.
In general she was conflicted over her two different sides; the part of her that acknowledged that things like senbatsu, solo singles, etc were objectively good acheivements; and the part of her that just didn't care about being an idol.
She didn't like the feeling of being pushed into the spotlight (rather than gradually working her way up), and she was uncomfortable with the way the adults around suddenly changed how they treated her when she received push.

Because she never had a goal in NMB, she also never really had a reason to quit. But she had a feeling of "Lets quit at a time that would be disadvantageous for the adults I hate." (it seems there was 1 staff in particular she absolutely loathed.) When Riripon announced her marriage at SSK, the very next day she went to management and told them she wanted to graduate.
Because management depend on the other members reactions at times of scandal, she knew her leaving after this would cause trouble. She wouldn't have minded speaking up for the sake of members or fans, but she absolutely did not want to help management. (she also brings up that she hates that management left dealing with scandals up to the girls rather than ever speaking up themselves.)
Management didn't want her to quit, but she threatened to spill every behind-the-scenes secret she knew. So she was allowed to leave. (there's some stuff here about the sudden grad of Riripon that I didn't understand cause it's kind of vague, maybe she was forced to grad?)

As she had no goals, she still didn't know what to do after graduation. Her only interests were music and fashion. When she told her agency, they started auditions to form a girl band around her.
She was not happy cause she didn't think she'd get along with a band formed through auditions, and she was right. She ceased activities after about a year, and focused on solo music.
Since Yoshimoto is a variety/TV/comedy focused agency, she felt they didn't understand and weren't interested in music, and since she was mainly working by herself anyway, she chose to leave. She seems especially annoyed that they want to change a lot of Warui Tomodachi, which turned out to be her most popular song.

Out of 48G, she's only in contact with Sayanee and Maokyun. She doesn't know what anyone else is doing, or what they think of her current activities.
She also says she's not currently in contact with her mother. (good for her)

 

MV for Momoka's new digital single 'Kasu' ('Dregs'):


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Not even Lemon? Hadn't they become good friends at some point?...

I feel bad for the little child that Momoka was, that is some rough upbringing. I'm glad she seems to have found herself and be able to do what she likes, but her childhood and teenage years seemed like nightmare.

 

i was able to meet momoka after a decade of her being my 2oshi on wednesday at her one-man live. it was an unreal emotion and she was so, so kind.
she kept holding my hands and gave me a huge hug, telling me she was really happy and that she hopes i'll continue to take care - that she can't believe i'd supported her for so long.
it was well worth the wait, and i'll always love momoka~

edit: forgot to include the cheki!!!