Koike Minami (Miichan, Miiko) / 1st Generation

Koike went to her beloved Habu-chan's graduation!

 

Oh my God, I can't believe I missed this news. Never trust the official Twitter account to tell you every time someone uploads their blog like Hinatazaka does.

https://sakurazaka46.com/s/s46/diary/detail/53870?ima=0000&cd=blog

In her blog from December 12th, she announced she currently has a panic disorder. She says she tried to upload her blog when she felt fine, but after feeling "dangerous" signs, she got an order from her doctor to stop doing that as well. She will only upload on the message app and Instagram from now (then) on until she returns.

She says she is "very, very" anxious everyday. Uploading her blog did provide her a little bit of comfort despite those signs. She says she did not want to show this weak side of herself, but did not want to keep a secret from her fans and thus decided to tell everyone.

She talked about how hard it is fighting the attacks, and hopes from the bottom of her heart no one else feels the same way.

Based on the way she talked about how attacks sometimes start, it almost makes me wonder if she has been bullied by someone. She says wants everyone to be careful of "words, words (characters), and misunderstandings."

She then wrote about how she loves the character Nanamin from Jujutsu Kaisen. She cried when she saw Tsuda Kenjiro on Jonetsu Tairiku the other day, and it was the first time she had been moved like that since beginning to feel this way.

I feel so bad for her. I myself was stricken with an anxiety disorder for many years, and it showed itself on this forum sometimes with my erratic behavior in the past. I was able to overcome it, but not without completely changing myself, and I'm still picking up the pieces from all the lost time.

I really hope she doesn't end up like me (in which case she would have to graduate to overcome this). And I also hope this doesn't mean she has experienced trauma at some point in her life, and it is just because of the stress of being an idol.

 

I have a playlist on my phone called コスミックガール (Cosmic Girl) and it’s full of Jamiroquai songs that make me think of her.

I love how she can rock any hair color. Black, green highlights, dirty red, blonde, silver, pink. All of them make her look gorgeous.

I love the gap between her image and personality. She wailed throughout the haunted house during the early Keyakake days (even retired IIRC?) and loves her little dog, but loves gore films and horror movies. Her personal fashion is clearly 21st century but she loves Kayokyoku so much when she auditioned with an 80s song, instead of being asked by the judges some usual idol interview question as the other candidates were, she was asked why she picked that song.

I often talk about how my Hinatazaka oshi, Higashimura Mei, has grown a lot in character. Minami has too.

She started as very timid, like all the other Keyaki girls. She was something of a younger sister character in that she was spoiled by other members, most famously when she spilled some ice cream on her shirt and Risa kindly gave her a tissue during the Keyakake hidden camera episode. Three or so years after her debut she felt as though she hadn’t achieved much and couldn’t do anything, telling the drag bar hostesses so in tears in January 2019.

But with the arrival of the 2nd gens, she grew into the dependable senpai she declared she desired to be, saying so at the sushi restaurant just hours after meeting with the drag hostesses. I feel like among the 1st gens who went on to be active in Sakurazaka, she displayed the most drastic change in character following the group’s renaming. She exuded confidence that wasn’t seen in the days of Keyaki. She said in an interview in 2023 that she wasn’t thinking about graduation at all, and wanted to help the group grow bigger. This is an impressive change from the time when most members were content to let Techi take center stage and remain in the 2nd and 3rd row, without a thought toward ensuring the longevity of the group.

She has child like innocence. There’s something sweet about a girl who’s brought to tears by a documentary about her favorite voice actor. A girl who held hands with her father to practice what it would be like when she gets her first boyfriend. A girl who dropped her phone off the station platform when she saw the news the singer she liked was getting married. The passion she expressed for the 2D character Nanamin of Jujutsu Kaisen almost makes me wonder if she still has yet to enter into a relationship for the first time, as the intensity of her blog post seemed as though it could only come from someone not currently seeing someone romantically (no offense to anime super fans and I’m sure huge fans in relationships exist ). I have this feeling despite her saying in Keyabingo she is into チャラい系 (playboy types) back in 2017.

All that said, I’m not against idols dating, and if she could find the right person a relationship could really help her mental situation. Hinatazaka’s Iguchi Mao was in a low spot after graduating, even taking to Instagram to ask for emotional advice, and ended up marrying a man who helped her get through those tough times. On the other hand, I imagine it is very tough for active idols to find honest, committed partners. Without one a relationship could be damaging.

I wonder about how Minami’s childhood affects her current mental state. She said her mother would often tell her “Someday I won’t be here anymore,” to which the Keyakake MCs and some of the girls were taken aback by. The problem with something like this could be that if a child isn’t taught how to properly cope with that fact, they could simply become depressed. I think knowing the cause of current feelings is important for resolving them, and together with factors like school and private life I hope Minami and, hopefully, a counselor working with her, are examining her past and trying to figure out where her negative feelings toward herself started.

These likely have an impact on the panic disorder she now has. In her blog post announcing the cessation of blog updates until her return, she cryptically stated that “Words can hurt people, so please think about what you say.” I’m paraphrasing there. This makes me wonder if she was bullied by someone, and it reignited old insecurities. This could make her feel very bad, especially with the 2nd gens coming into their own and perhaps no longer needing their senpais in the same way they did in the initial two years of Sakurazaka’s existence.

I like to think the character of Nanamin she loves helps her explore her emotions and identify her place in the world. Nanamin’s declarations that “normal work is [expletive]” and “curse hunting is [expletive],” and coping with this by helping others in the best way he can, may be something Minami identifies with. Even if she loves being an idol, there are certainly parts about it she doesn’t like, and perhaps these bubbled over the rim and caused her current crisis. Nanamin is able to deal with the emotions the two lines of work he had tried brought upon him, and I hope Minami can figure out how to do so too.

Japan’s reputation when it comes to mental health is not good, partly because of stigma surrounding it in Japanese culture. I sincerely hope Minami is not being affected by that trend. I hope counselors take her seriously. I hope she does not become lost in ideas or thoughts that seem good in the moment, because they often can be cause for regret later on. If she does something like graduating I believe it won’t automatically help her mental situation and she will just enter another stage of crisis.

I love her (as a fan) and am very concerned for her. Apologies for the wall of text but I’ve had a lot of pent up feelings about her since she went on hiatus and I needed to put it somewhere. I did a similar thing over in Higashimura’s thread although it was shorter.

I know she isn’t browsing this forum. But I’d like to address her as if she is. Miichan, it will be okay. I myself have gone through a mental crisis, and to some degree still am. As a consequence I’m starting university 4 years behind kids my age. But I’m alright. Know that no matter what, whether meet and greet sales aren’t as good or you don’t get in senbatsu, or you graduate and have a hard time afterwards, it will be okay. All roads lead to salvation.

Again, sorry for the wall of text! Also sorry for any typos, I didn’t have time to check the second half of this post.

 

@SunlitZelkova Idols need fans like you my friend...